My Grandmother’s Stories

My Grandmother is the funniest person I know.

Grandmother: “Nunzio!  I need you to fix the bathroom sink.”

Grandfather:  “I’ll do it tomorrow Marie.”

Grandmother:  “That’s what you always say!  Your to-do list is so long, I could fill up 5 toilet paper rolls with it. (dramatically unfurls invisible roll).”

To this day I can’t look at toilet paper without thinking about all the things I need to do.

Grandmother:  “You wouldn’t believe what happened to me on Halloween.  I got a knock at the door and there was this kid in a horrible costume, with a scream mask, I think it’s called. Well, I went to give them some candy  from my bucket and the kid tried to grab the entire thing from my hand!  Well, I said no way is this kid going to bully me so I fought back, and started hitting them on the head, to get them to let go.  I was so mad.  As I was beating them I hear them say,’Marie, STOP!  It’s just me!’  It was my neighbor playing a joke. ”

Grandmother:  “I was on my way out the door when I looked down and found this awful snake on my door mat. I must have startled it for it went under the mat, but I could still see it’s tail.  Ugh.   So I called your Grandfather and told him to come home right away, to get rid of it. He said he was on his way.  I waited.  Ten minutes.  Twenty minutes.  I couldn’t wait any longer so I did what I had to.  I opened the door and the tail was still there, just sticking out.  So I jumped.  I jumped up and down on that mat until the tail didn’t move any more.  I left it for Nunzio to move when he got back”


… The ironic part about that last story is that my Father accidently killed a mouse the same way.  He tried to shoot it with a bb-gun but the little guy ran right at him, startled him, and he landed right on top of it.  Must be a family trait.

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