Babies hold few secrets and even less surprises. We all know of the joys and the hardships. Family and friends mentally prepare you for the long nights and endless diapers, and equally for the boundless love. And the sadistic few REALLY prepare you for the worst, so at the end of the day, you’re as prepared as a novice can be.
However, here are a list of things I never thought I’d do as a mom. Simply because the things themselves are so imaginative, that they would have never crossed my mind.
1. Using the cats as a distraction. Crying from a head bonk? Where’s Marshall? And she’s off on the hunt. (And on that note, she also plays “fetch” with the cats. I throw the ball for the cats, she takes it from them and brings it back to me.)
2. Hiding items any and everywhere. Every day is an easter egg hunt, but with superhero wooden peg people hidden on bookshelves and even down shirts.
3. Allowing them to pull eyelids, cheeks, teeth, hair, skin, etc. Far past the point of acceptable pain. Why? Because it’s entertaining to them and makes them happy.
4. Rides in the laundry basket and boxes. On your hands and knees pushing them around, insta-disney style.
4. Eating something disagreeable and having to use the public restroom at Trader Joes with them strapped in the baby carrier. (So glad infants don’t form memories.)
6. Growling like a possessed demon, just to make them laugh.
7. Reading on average 30 books a day. And sometimes the same book 5 times in a row. It’s madness.
8. Using your hands to catch violent throw up in a pathetic attempt to mitigate total catastrophe. Then feeling so bad for them you hold them tightly, letting the vomit act as glue between the both of you.
9. Treating the baby store as a daily outing in the dead of winter so they can run around the staged nurseries, petting the life-sized stuffed animals. (I think the store clerks are on to me.)
10. Using the geese in your lawn as a zoo exhibit.
These are only the few that come to mind, but daily the thought occurs to me, “Wow. Never thought I’d do that.”
And Emi is not even a year old yet. I can’t imagine the list once she’s 20.