Dear Food Diary

Please delete all records. Thank you.

I know this is a little too late for a new years resolutions, but regardless, the structure of a national understanding aids my will power in no way. To change, I have to utterly and completely want it. Jan 1st is no different from today.  I’m also hoping the fact that if I put this in print, it will be one more witness to testify my guilt if I break the following vows below.

#1.  I will eat better, and thus lose weight.

#2.  And unrelated- I will rewrite the first half of my thesis/novel and finish it.

Food.  It’s incredible what boredom and freedom of a kitchen will do. Forget the freshmen 15, no one told me there was a graduation 20.  Or maybe it’s just me.  Oh I hope it’s not just me, there’s solace with strength in numbers.  Let me note that, surprisingly, my fault does not lie in the likes of fast food, chips, cookies, red meat or soda.  I hardly eat out, don’t let myself buy ‘real’ chips, find sweets to to be too much above a serving size, red meat sets my stomach in an uproar, and I can’t drink anything besides water or watered-down cranberry juice.  I, however, did myself in 1 piece of bread at a time with 2 slabs of butter. That’s right. Carbs.

I love cooking as much as I love eating. The closest I have come to a state of meditation is when watching the Food Network (Rachel Ray excluded).  Hence, I learned to bake bread and hence hence, that will be the death of me. Along with focaccias, pizzas and cheese breads.

Let me share with you what I will eat on a typical day.

Breakfast:  Jelly and butter on an english muffin

11am snack:  crackers and humus

Lunch:  chicken ceaser salad.  toast.  brownie. maybe some chicken nuggets.

3pm snack:  More hummus or misc. chocolate lying around or cheese or olives.

Dinner:  Turkey burger.  Wild rice and cranberries. chocolate cake.

9pm snack:  cheese or hummus, or toast

I know, it’s not normal to eat 6 times a day, but, somehow, I’m one of those people who have a fast metabolism- however, I clearly out pace it.  If I don’t eat every few hours, I feel faint and which in turn usually triggers a migraine.  At least that’s my excuse.  But when the clothes start to not fit, that’s the real wake up call.  If there’s one thing I love more than food, it’s my clothes.  Or rather, it’s my money that I don’t want to spend on new clothes.  Or rather (since I like shopping) it’s the love of money that bemoans the lost investment in the clothes that no longer fit.  Of course, I can only say this since I live in America where I have never experienced the reality of lack of food.

What’s the point is pointing this all out if I don’t have a solution? Solution:

– To eat smaller portions during meal times, therefore to accommodate snacking.

– To have a bowl of cereal every morning (instead of toast) with lactaid milk (crucial).

– To eat a salad everyday for lunch, even if it has to involve the motivating factor of chicken.

– To stop eating after dinner by asking myself if I’m really hungry, and if I am- then eat something like an apple.

These are little steps, but I do believe that combined with some minor aerobics every night, I’ll be able to go back down to my ‘normal’ weight. As for vow #2, well, I guess I better not get carried away…

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