I’ve mentioned this site before, but this time, I can’t help but share some of my personal favorites. All lines/ruminations below are courtesy of the wonderfully witty general public, who are all too few.
“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Forgetting an email attachment is the 21st century’s version of licking an envelope shut and then realizing you forgot to put the letter inside.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
If a ceiling fan could hold my weight, I feel like I would never be bored again.
Whenever I’m driving, and someone lets me go in front of them, I always feel the need to go as fast as possible, so they don’t regret their decision. I won’t let you down, Mr. Mercedes Man, I won’t let you down.
I made some jello the other day, and kept thinking it tasted funny. Then I realized this was the first time in 10 years that I’ve had jello that doesn’t taste like vodka.
Its weird to think, but somebody, somewhere in the world, is working in a glitter factory.
Whenever I choose to go down the stairs next to a crowded escalator, I feel the need to move faster than the escalator to prove to the people on board that I made the better decision.
It may be surprsing to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can’t say you weren’t warned just how hungry they were.
Just once on a cooking show I’d like someone to taste-test the completed dish, scrunch up their face and say, “Oh my god, that tastes like shit!”
Shower curtain, I like you and all, but let’s just be friends.
My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L’Oreal.
I think there is a large untapped market for adult-sized children’s playgrounds.
There are few things in life more relieving than having a cop turn off the road after following you for an extended period of time.
Whenever I read that someone was “slain” in the newspapers, I can’t help but picture that they were impaled by a giant sword.
I dare you to wink as much in real life as you do on online.
That’s enough, Nickelback.”